Life is like the surf . . .

I sometimes forget that I have such amazing people in my life that want to help me.  I blame my pride. As a child I was always told that I can do anything. My parents never did my homework. Yes, I never earned an 'A' on a science fair project but I learned so much. However, this self-esteem has brought with it an ugly friend. Since I believe that I can do anything that I put my mind to, I hate asking for help. I don't want to look like I'm lazy or stupid. I am starting to realize that asking for help is not lazy nor stupid. It is a proactive way to find your path again. Trying to do everything by yourself is just too stressful. I've been juggling too many balls lately and I even had a couple of panic attacks in the past few months. If I had opened my eyes I would have seen that everyone was behind me, supporting me.

Another problem is that I can be a perfectionist. I spend too much time on details that, in the end, do not matter. I follow recipes to the t. Even as a child I don't recall every coloring outside of the lines. I prefer things to be congruent, balanced, and even. Now, at twenty-four, I am seeing that I am setting up myself for failure. I've known for a long time that life is messy. That might be why I like to organize everything. It gives me a sense of control over my path. Like oil and water, my habits don't  mesh with Fate's plans for me. Yes, being organized is great. Yes, I am rarely late to anything. Is it worth the extra stress to be early with an ironed blouse, shaved legs, and just the right amount of jewelry? I thought so but my mind is changing. The world isn't going to stop if I'm a little late. I will survive if I change a recipe and it tastes awful. The science experiment might literally blow up in my face. Thinking back I realize that some of my favorite moments in life were spontaneous and done on a whim. I live in a comfortable house in a nice neighborhood thanks to a gut feeling. I've been to the Branch Davidian complex at midnight on Halloween just to scare myself. I learned how to build a picnic table with my boyfriend just because we wanted to build something. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need to ignore my urge to plan everything and just go with the flow. I'll survive with my friends by my side.

-"Life is like the surf, so give yourself away like the sea." -Y Tu Mamá También